We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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