hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
