Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
