happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
