So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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