my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
