hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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