I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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