took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
