We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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