In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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