mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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