Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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