Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
