I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
