someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
