I'm going to jail i love you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize