i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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