hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I smell like Dick and happiness
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