i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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