One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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