The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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