when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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