i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
