Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
