I think im going to throw up on grandma
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
