i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
