I hate all girls vehemently.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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