hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
