After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
