well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am naked and annoyed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
