Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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