i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
