You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
