I must be too annoying 4 u.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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