Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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