and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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