If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
