Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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