I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
