Just fell off a train. Bad.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
we should paint friendship bongs
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