But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
