I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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