Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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