Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
