I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
please come you make the beer taste better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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