new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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