I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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