god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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