At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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