I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
