Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
