Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
