yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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