did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
