Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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