i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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