I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
