There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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