sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
