Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
