sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
